So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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