Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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