i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
