My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
