If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
