i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
