i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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