he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
