I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
