Porn is love you can see.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
