Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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