We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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