there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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