Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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