I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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