drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
