It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
