Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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