I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
