my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
