I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
