This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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