oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What drink are we having for lunch?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize