I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
a search helicopter?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
