oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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