We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize