I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
