first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
