wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
