it's too hot outside to masturbate.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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