i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
