He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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