I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
