my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
