going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
