eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
