yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
