the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize