reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize