and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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