Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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