Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
