My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
