You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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