I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
