i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
