just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize