I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
