What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
