went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
