took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let's get the cat blown out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need to align my fucking chakras
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
