I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
