my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
