Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
