Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
