so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
