Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
