I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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