If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
