Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
