dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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