I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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