Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
