I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
