He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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