he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
