Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
