I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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