im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
