I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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