Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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