I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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