toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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