I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
