dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
