honey bunches of taint.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
