I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
