I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
