I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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