So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
