"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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