It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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