i just wanna soil my oats bro
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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