I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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