im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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