Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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