My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
