You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
