The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
