I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
