i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
