just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
