I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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