You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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