I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
