it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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