No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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